Rasmus Ejlersen is a mind behind a Danish-Slovak atmospheric black metal project called Udånde. It’s a one-man project of a Danish guy living several years in Bratislava with a two full-length albums in his discography and the last few years even a line-up for live performances. About how it is to (not) be a Danish, life in Slovakia, how to make an album on a free software, but even about psychological illnesses he talked with B. via videocall. The interview is a transcription of the record of said videomeeting and since it was enormously long, we decided to devide it into two parts.
Hello Rasmus. It’s so nice to see you, so how’s it going? What’s new on the Western Front? Since I’m from the center, so, you know…
I guess there’s not much from my end, like a lot of work. Rehearsing with the band and I have some new songs for the upcoming EP, so we have to rehearse and so on for the upcoming tour. So yeah, that’s really what’s going on these days.
Yeah, right. Great, great. OK. So right after that, before we delve to the nuances of Udande… is it pronounced „Údand“ or…
„Údonde“ / “uðɒnə”
OK, so try describing the music of Udånde to someone who has never heard of it, like in one sentence.
In one sentence… gonna be a really long sentence then. Good question. Someone who never heard of it…. It’s like atmospheric black metal but lyric-wise with a bit more sophisticated twist to it at some point. Yeah, that would be the sentence, but the clarification would be that it’s less about Satan and burning churches and all that stuff. There’s really no religion to it whatsoever at this point. I won’t say it’s a gimmick, but it’s a theme that we heard all too much about at this point or I believe so. So, definitely more philosophical to some point and lyrics-based in general I would say.
OK, so let’s start with the beginnings of Udånde. I remember when I first saw that there is a Bratislava-based black metal project from Denmark. I mean, it was, of course, when you released the Life of a Purist album and it was a curiosity, really, in Slovakia, and it’s not only for me, but I think that it turned a lot of heads in Slovak black metal scene, not not only among the news, like webzines or something like that. But even when it comes to the fans, because, I mean, it’s Scandinavian black metal, a Scandinavian guy, a guy from Denmark, that is for some reason in Bratislava and is doing this black metal project. And of course Afsky… is it pronounced „afski“?
Yeah, close enough.
Yeah, sorry. You played with this project and it’s quite known. So this was probably the question that turned the heads of most people when they came across Udånde.
Uh-huh.
How did you end up in Slovakia?
Well, my girlfriend is Slovak, so that’s the reason why. Long story short and I hope a lot of people are gonna read this interview because this is the main question I get at every concert. Maybe I will put up this laminated piece of paper and put it on the merch stand and be like here’s a Q&A. Read this first and then we can talk *laughter*.
*laughter* I understand.
Yeah, but I believe since December 2017, back then, when I met my girlfriend and so on, I didn’t really have that much in Denmark going on. And I really needed to try something new. And then I met my girlfriend and we were long distance dating for like a year or so. I counted, I was 18 times on an airplane between Vienna and Copenhagen that year. So that was a lot. So one day she told me that she wanted to do some more education and that it would take place in Brno in the Czech republic and so she wouldn’t have the opportunity to keep going in this long distance relationship. So she asked if I saw any kind of opportunities and if yes, then I should move to Slovakia. I didn’t know a lot about central European culture. At that point before I met her, I’d never been to Slovakia. I’ve been to the Czech Republic probably a few times, saw the atmosphere and the whole thing. As mentioned I’ve really had nothing going on, I needed a fresh start. So I moved. I was still part of the Afsky crew at that time. I was with them for about 5 years and, I believe it was the last two or three years I was with them, I was flying back and forth between Denmark and Slovakia to play with them. I ‘ve been here for a bit over six years now. So yeah, that’s it.
I will continue with probably the next question that you also get a lot. Do you like it here and do you miss Denmark?
The thing I enjoy about living here is that your language is so super difficult for me, right? It’s so challenging. I’m trying my best, but it’s really hard for me to learn. Also, the reason I’ve been living here for six years and I still don’t speak it as fluently is because it doesn‘t make sense for me, just as the Danish language doesn‘t make sense for a lot of people here as well. So not speaking the language and still being the happy taxpayer, that I am, I’m just walking around in this bubble of bliss, you know, I have no idea what’s going on. Probably good. Oh, there’s cheap beer, but it’s like that… I just learned to enjoy bryndzové halušky. So I’m really moving forward in my integration. I would say.
Haha, right.
So yeah, no, I don’t miss Denmark that much, to be honest. When I first moved out, sure I missed it, it was different, I missed my grandmother, sister and stuff like that back at home and my nieces. But the thing is, I really don’t feel the urge to go back to Denmark, like on a regular basis. I remember that when I played in Afsky, I believe it was the drummer back then who asked me: „So don’t you miss it here and what is the most significant change when you get to Denmark?“ and I said, „Well, first of all, the thing that I miss the most or is the biggest change for me is the air, the wind because it‘s close to the ocean.“
Yeah.
So I really miss that, but on the other hand, it might also be the factor why I get sick every time I travel back and forth because the climate is so different. I get sick for a few days, we call it the Danish plague at home. So yeah. But otherwise, as I told him back then, I feel like a person who knows the language and the history of Denmark to perfection, but I feel like a foreigner or something like that, who is almost like a perfect prototype of everything there, but didn’t feel at home at all. It’s pretty weird that I would feel like that when I moved away, but yeah, the feeling is really not there and I don’t have the urge to move back ever at this point. It might come later, who knows? But at this point, no.
(Source: Archive of the band)
This is a very interesting thing. So you feel like a foreigner in your own country.
Uh-huh. Yeah, definitely, definitely. It’s a weird feeling, especially if I go to Copenhagen because I’m not there that often anymore. And big cities like that, they change all the time. So suddenly you go there and it’s like: „What’s this? I don’t know what this is. Where did this come from?“ You know, like when new buildings pop up and so on. And you really don’t feel like anything. I have co-workers asking me „I want to go to Copenhagen. What should I see?“ and I don’t know. I haven’t been there for over six years. I don’t know. Check the Internet. There will probably be some good things.
Interesting. So you don’t have this Danish identity whatsoever.
No, not really, I tell myself I’m a proud European citizen. Definitely a big supporter of the EU in general. I see myself as a European at this point, but living here or just abroad, I don’t think it has something specific to do with Slovakia, but living here for that many years, and in a small country like Denmark… It’s kind of the same size as Slovakia, both with the population and area and so on, but you will learn that these small countries and these languages are so super tiny on a global scale. For me it’s like they’re not needed that much, also might be the reason why I haven’t been doing much Slovak lessons you know. Because for me it’s like English works and that’s how it is, you know. I know it is a different story but one of my friends, Niels, who has a Dutch band (Beenkerver) who did a video session with me on Instagram before his recent release. I remember that he was surprised that most people, I’m not saying young people, but the older generation were not automatically speaking English in Slovakia. Some of my Danish friends are also surprised about this. So I think that is why I’m also distancing myself from it because they don’t know much about Slovakia. Some of my friends still think I live in Slovenia.
*laughter* Yeah, figures.
Yeah. It’s a never ending story. They don’t know a lot about the area and so on. Most people only know about Prague because it’s a cheap flight and there’s cheap beer…
Yeah, and cheap girls.
Yeah… I don’t know, I wouldn’t know, but the thing is that they’re just missing out on so much culture and beautiful nature. And I don’t know, when I’m referring to Niels and Holland and I don’t know about them, but in Denmark, especially when you are from Poland or Czech Republic or Slovakia, then it’s all Eastern Europe, you know…
Yes, yes.
And I find sometimes, when they’re saying that about people, then you get the status that you are from Eastern Europe, then it might be considered a bad thing in Denmark, it’s like it’s a lower status of the person, I really hate that. It’s central Europe and they don’t know their geography at all. And it’s just these things, when I’m like, no, I don’t like to identify with these people. So sorry for swearing, these pampered fucks up there, with their welfare system that doesn’t work at all… no, I’m not a part of that. Good luck.
Yeah, thank you very much for that, because yes, we are actually kind of sensitive to the Eastern European moniker that we got because you know, it’s exactly as you said, we are central Europeans and I know that a lot of people don’t really understand the central European region because when it comes to geopolitics, it makes no sense. I mean that there is no geopolitical central-European region, it was divided during the Cold War to the West and East, we all know this, but today it’s two really different things, you know. If we are talking about Eastern Europe, we’re talking about Ukraine and Russia and Belarus, right? And that’s completely different from what we are now. I mean, we are the members of the European Union, we are pro-Western and of course, Ukrainians probably are too, but that’s another chapter, so yes, I completely understand the thing that you said that you feel like a European citizen and I feel personally the same thing. I was in Brussels recently and there was this American guy and he was asking me if I feel like a proud Slovak national and I was like: not really. I mean, I’m a European and that is what constructs my identity. I mean exactly as you said, Slovakia is such a small nation and so insignificant really that I don’t know even what I would base my identity upon. What, these few dishes, some of which are probably Hungarian and even Polish people take our pierogi.
Exactly. But it’s funny with this food relative thing. We have this, one of the most made dishes in Denmark, it’s called Frikadeller and it’s also known as Frikadellen in Germany and here Fašírky and so on, and it’s really Italian but now it’s all over Europe.
Yeah. Yeah.
All kinds of versions, you know, it’s kind of like that. But yeah, that’s also why I think it’s important we are united in Europe, because we are all connected at this point. You know the food and everything comes around, goes around and it’s really interesting to see all the consequences as well.
Absolutely, absolutely agree with this. OK, let’s move on to the discography. So Life of a Purist, it definitely seems conceptual to me and I really like to focus on this side of records because I think that many times it’s kind of overlooked and I think it constructs at least, well, third, maybe even half of the album. I mean, you can’t really experience the album if you don’t know what it’s about and without understanding the concept behind it. So is Life of a Purist about you? Are you the purist?
No, no. The purist is a person who is pure in the meaning. How I would consider it, it’s a really conservative person who are already set in their ways and what they want to do. In life of a purist we are following a narrative “I”. A person who, in the lyrics, theme and so on, is representing humanity and must be tortured by the four elements because they failed to protect Mother Nature. So no, I’m not the purist, but on the other hand, yes, we all are, because we all are doing some kind of impact on the environment. Unpopular opinion would be that as long as you are alive, you’re making a negative impact on it, but we can try to reduce it as much as possible, of course. So no, I am not the purist in this tale, but in real life we all are.
OK.
That sounded really, really cliche.
It’s interesting. What’s another thing that’s interesting about this album is the weird song names, right? And why is it the „+“ and I can see that there’s these triangles and the triangles with this line through it. Could you elaborate on that?
Yeah, definitely. Let me just find this… right. So yeah, the ones I’ve been using here, just to explain the whole thing, are the symbols, the weird triangles and so on, they’re the alchemist symbols, so it’s for earth, wind and fire and air. And the „+“ thing is for life, so this is where we start. There has to be life to start something like that. And that’s also the reason why the prologue is after life. And I’ve been hearing a lot of people being like „oh, he doesn’t know the theory and so on because this is not correct.“
Yeah *laughter*.
But no, there has to be life before there can be a prologue, so that’s the reason why. So yeah, that’s the explanation of the whole thing. And then you have to put out, of course, the conclusion and so on in the end. Then the first line is the conclusion of the narrative “I”, because he realized that he was in the wrong and also the first line of that song is „I brought this upon myself, floating in indifference too late and farewell to my deliverance“. So…
Yeah. OK. That’s pretty simple.
Yeah. So it’s what we call an atonement at some point.
Yes. Mm-hmm. And the artwork. Well, what does it exactly depict?
Yeah. Well, it’s a volcano. You have lightning and so on going on. It’s kind of a judgment day thing, but I wanted it a bit more artsy. So yeah, it‘s also made by a Slovak artist, actually.
Yeah? Who?
What is …apparatus? (Sabbas Apterus, pseudonym of the artist, ed.)… Peter… Peter… Peter… Ohh. I don’t remember his name. Just a minute. I have it here somewhere.
Sure.
Uhhh, Peter Polach? I think it is something like that. Yeah, I don’t remember where he’s located, but it’s like in the middle of Slovakia, if I remember correctly. So as far as I know, this is what he’s doing for a living. He’s really talented, makes a lot of sci-fi and so on. Also, he had made some paintings that were related to the old folklores, Slovak fairy tales…? So it’s pretty good, definitely worth checking out. It was really good.
Definitely. Okay, the album was released via Vendetta Records, which is kind of a well known label. To this day its releasing also Ultha which is a great band or Sun Worship, but also in the past it was releasing Enisum and of course Afsky. So how did you start together and did you reach out to other labels as well or how did this come to fruition?
Well, when I was looking for a label to release the album, I was playing with Afsky back then and I could have taken the easy way and just asking the guys from Afsky for the contacts for Vendetta and do it like that because Afsky was signed to Vendetta back then…
Yeah.
…but I didn’t want to go the easy way. I wanted to go the hard way, so I reached out to one of my graphic friends in Denmark.
Okay…
Kasper Deichmann (St. Digue) and he made me a lyrical video for the water song or… the triangle pointing down…
*laughter*
So he made me that and then I contacted Black Metal Promotion on YouTube and asked if they were interested in releasing it and they were like: „Yeah sure, we can do that“ and asked if it’s going to be an album, so I was like, yeah, it’s gonna be, but this is like kind of a problem because I want some label. And he was like, okay, and was actually so kind, this Black Metal Promotion guy to say: „I’m going to check with some of my contacts, might have some labels that will be interested…“
Ooh, okay.
So he put it there. I got two offers, I think, and the second label was in China, which didn’t really make a lot of sense to me to be honest. And the other one was Vendetta. And then Steffan from Vendetta contacted me on Facebook and then he added me and then he wanted to know who I was. And so I was like „Stefan, we know each other, I play in Afsky.“ And he was like „Ooh, it’s you!“. So yeah, so he was really interested in releasing it. So that was the way. I think that many people might have thought that I would just go and use my contacts back then with Afsky but I did it the other way. I wanted to make sure that what I had created was not just some bad product, because Life of a Purist was made as cheap as possible. I think the most expensive thing was the artwork Peter made. The mixing was actually done by Svarthen from Aeon Winds as well. He did that and some mastering was also done in Slovakia, actually in Banská Bystrica by Miro Spevák. And yeah, actually the drums were also recorded by Miro Raučina and were recorded in Poprad with Martin Barla. I worked with him twice. Really good experience.
Yeah, yeah.
So yeah, it was made as cheap as possible as mentioned, like I didn’t have a guitar back then. The only reason why I started making this project was because when I first arrived in Slovakia and got a job at technical support, supporting the nordic countries in a company I used to work in, there was not a lot happening, so it was almost like a night guard sitting and waiting for the thieves to appear…
*laughter* Yeah…
You know, I mean just waiting for the customer to enter and nothing happened. So after a year I applied for a permanent home office, which I got, and then I started playing Xbox all day, you know, and all that stuff…
*laughter*
And it was pretty sweet, you know, but at some point I got bored.
Yeah.
So what I did was, I went to the local Muziker and I bought a cheap guitar…or €200, something like that. Yeah, I actually still have it here. And then I bought everyone’s favorite pedal, Metal Zone 2. I love it. I have to say because if you use it correctly, it sounds awesome. It’s a pre-amp pedal, so people have to know that. And then I just started with whatever gear I had, I was working back then on Macbooks. So actually the first 2 records, it‘s all recorded in GarageBand (default application for music production on Apple products, ed.).
Wooow.
Yeah, free software and everything. It was some kind of Vox amplifier that I found there in GarageBand and put the Metal Zone in front of it and some reverb. And that was it.
Wow, haha!
Yeah. So that’s just how it started. And then I was like, OK, now I’m starting to make something and when I felt it was kind of getting somewhere I could say „OK, it’s actually starting to be a record“. I was talking a lot to my friend Nocturnal of Concubia Nocte and he was a good guidance for me, also had the contact for Svarthen and Miro Raučina and I was also like „Should I just make an EP and put it online“ and he was like „Nah go for full-length, no one cares about an EP, you know“ and he was right about that, definitely. So maybe it’s an album, but at that point I was like, I don’t know where this is gonna head right now. I made this. I made a project, OK, that was that, I asked one of my friends back in Denmark, Lars Johansson (Serpents Lair/Frelser) to do the vocals because I had no clue about singing at that point. So we did that and, yeah, the rest is history. It was released on 5th of February 2021 and within four days both vinyl versions were sold out from both me and my label.
Oh!
Yeah *laughter* That was quick. So yeah, the repress got an order from the label a week after the release. Of course, back then, it was corona times, so repress and everything was super slow like I remember. It took a year because there was such a long queue of production time because of COVID and so on. Slow Death was like half a year. And I think the current waiting time is 3 months. So it’s really different. But that was how it was.
Oh, right. But still coming back to the initial question, it’s really honorable from you to take the harder route, but well, you can be sure that you got this deal with Vendetta yourself, which is kind of good for you, I think. And what interested me was also the fact that you actually pitched the recording to Black Metal Promotion before you had signed your deal with Vendetta. This is interesting. And did you release it physically, even before Vendetta, like by yourself?
It was only released online, initially via Black Metal Promotion and then I think I put it on a bandcamp and made a bandcamp profile, but that was it. No streaming service or anything because labels have different arrangements with the streaming service and so on. I like the one I have with Vendetta: “it’s your music”, so I still own the rights. So I can do whatever I want.
Wow. OK.
So that’s that.
(Source: Štefan Šimuni – Photo & Video)
Yeah, so this was actually my next question, what are the conditions? If it’s not a secret.
I have no idea what they are to be honest *laughter*. But I know that I owe my rights for sure, so you can quote me on that one definitely *laugher*.
*laughter* Yeah, that’s good to hear. And what about other things? What does he provide?
Many things. It’s mainly the release. Of course there’s guidance, a bit of context but again it is a small label, it’s mainly underground, because what I like about Vendetta is first of all, which kind of bands they have. Also, I really like that he is taking chances on small new projects. All these things, if he can see that there is a genuine musical product then he will take the risk and put it out there. I don’t know how he’s doing it, but my impression is that it’s not always about money. We should focus on the art and get it out there. If it’s worth it.
He can probably help you with some gigs. It’s from Germany, right?
It’s German, yeah.
Is it something that is actually helpful to you when it comes to like festivals or shows in Germany or something like that?
It can be yeah, I would say the biggest fan base that I have is in Germany for sure. I can see where I’m sending all the merchandise and records and all that stuff. It’s mainly Germany, but also a lot of other countries on a global scale. US, Japan, all kinds of stuff. So it’s pretty nice. But Vendetta is a known underground label, it’s not a “rich label”. So if it was a rich label, then they would take my rights to my music right away, you know, and then I would have to buy them back for a certain amount if I wanted to leave. Of course things are limited to some extent because it’s not like we have big investors and all that stuff you know. And there could be some promotion and all that stuff, but I’m paying mostly other things myself. Like mixing, mastering and so on. I don’t know about the other bands, if they, some other deal, but the one I have I’m happy with. But when I’m doing abroad concerts and so on, he has helped me with that of course.
Yeah.
Some contacts and so on. It’s all about networking. Networking is purely networking. But I have a feeling you might want to talk about that coming up later. We can set that aside for a while.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re right. So before we delve into Slow Death… wow that sounds actually really bad… before we delve into slow death …
Yeah, we all do eventually.
*laughter*
Not slow, but you know…
Yeah, hopefully. What do you think you did well on the Life of a Purist and on the other hand, what do you consider that could be done better?
Hmm… I don‘t know what I did well. It will sound really egocentric, but I think that for a debut record I think I made a really good one, I had a really great start, I would say. So that was definitely good. So I’m happy about that. What could have been better? I don’t know, production might have been better, but at that point I was just in the beginning stage, I had no idea what I was doing.
Yeah.
I can still sit down and listen to the album sometimes and be like „ooh that part!“ and it’s like that. And sometimes when I’m playing it, it’s like, „oh, if I’ve done this with the guitar riffs, add a bit more variations…“, all these small things that you always beat yourself about after the production is done. I remember many, many years ago when I played in a hardcore/screamo band in Copenhagen, there was a one producer we went for to record an EP and after everything was recorded, he was sitting and mastering and all that stuff with our suggestions and at one point he said: „OK, guys, just so you know, we can sit here and we can fiddle with all this stuff for eternity and we’ll still not get happy“. So recording and producing music will never be perfect, but it might be close.
Yeah.
You know, so I think that’s a really important lesson because I can sit up playing over and maybe wish for these and these changes, but it will not happen. I just have to accept the fate of the project of Life of a Purist. It’s final and that’s it, you know.
Yeah, yeah, definitely. And it means that you’re moving forward, right, that you actually learned something and you can say to yourself „OK. So this could be better and I will do better next time.“ And I think it would be problematic if you said like „OK,this record is perfect and I can never do anything better.“ I think that’s your end, that’s your creative end as an artist. If you can actually do this.
Exactly. If you release something and you still, after six months after the release, still look at it and say „this is perfect“ then I’m like „why have you been doing this then? There’s no room for improvement“, you know.
Yeah.
Then you’re just at a stalemate. Then it’s just gonna be boring. It’s the same thing as when you’re not having at least a bit of a stagefright, just a little bit, you don’t deserve to be on that stage, you know? Like you have to have this respect for your art and the audience. Otherwise you don’t deserve to be there.
This is a really good thought, actually. It’s really nice, I’ve never thought about it like that, but yes. When you play on the stage and you don’t feel anything from it, I mean you have no experience. No feelings associated with it.
Yeah, exactly. And also I think you have to put yourself in the shoes of the audience. They might have a dead end job, they’ve been working the whole week and now they took the time to go see your band live. You should really respect that. And especially if you’re playing shows on a weekday, you should respect that even more because those people you’re playing in front of, they probably have to go home and sleep less than six hours and then get up and go to work again and that is just because of you, you know? So it’s really these things… where especially in higher pop culture, they are praising some big pop stars and so on as gods and heroes and whatnot, but on the other hand, I think it should be the other way around, you know? Because these people are actually making it worth your while to continue doing whatever you do, you know.
(Source: Archive of the band)
Yeah, exactly. For example, I think Gorgoroth was playing in Bratislava years back, and it was on a workday and only like 13 people came. I mean, of course, it’s absolutely outrageous for Gorgoroth to play in front of 13 people. And I’ve heard that they didn’t actually wanted to play even, and I was like „No, this is wrong. Those people came and paid for your gig.“ And there’s nothing in connection with them to other attendees, right? I mean they paid for a full experience and you should play the show, the same show, the very same show in front of one guy and in front of the whole crowd, right? Because they all are getting the same value for the money. So it’s the same as you said, you always need to respect every single person in the audience. A lot of people in Slovakia, for example, are living paycheck to paycheck, and well, in Slovakia it usually starts at let’s say €10 for a gig. That’s probably the standard and well you drink some beer there, I don’t know… you might need at least €15 for a short show, and for some people it is something. I mean it’s a few meals that you can cook from that and a lot of people don‘t have a lot of money to throw around. So yes, it’s a very nice thing that you think about that in this way, it’s very valuable to hear it from an artist as well because a lot of fans talk about this. The perspective of an artist is very, very important in this as well. OK. Let’s move to 2022 and here comes the very merry and joyful album called Slow Death – Celebration of Self Hatred. So, how would you differentiate between these two albums? Life of a Purist and Slow Death?
This one is probably characterized as my dark horse, I would say, because this time it’s personal. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety attacks and even until now I am on antidepressant. So the biggest difference, I would say, is that on this album I’m singing myself. And that was a bit of a challenge. I really wanted to do it myself because the whole thing was so personal, so it’s really important for me to do it my way. I called one of my old friends, Steven Borgwardt in Denmark, he is a death metal vocalist trainer – not by living though – but I asked him for help, I paid him a lot of money to do Skype sessions with me. And he asked me: „So do you have a deadline? How much time do you have? A year? Half a year?“ I replied: „We got three months“.
*both laughing*
And he‘s like „OK, that’s gonna be intense“. But all vocals on Slow Death are 100% me and I learned that in three months.
Wow, OK.
That’s also why it’s really monotone to me now because I couldn’t do any pitching up and down and all that stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
It was more thinking about the airflow and breathing and all that stuff. So yeah, so that’s really different. The tuning is a bit lower compared to Life of a Purist as well, so a bit more heavy as well. So yeah, I think I went for a more dark atmosphere this time. I really wanted to hit something that had more resemblance to the theme and the whole experience going through. I was aiming more for some darker and more complex soundscape instead as bands like Gevurah or Akhlys, stuff like that. You know that have more darkness to it. I also wanted to step up the game this time, so I contacted an old friend of mine who I was on tour with, with Afsky, Patrick McDowall from Canada. He plays in Spectral Wound. So he did the mix and mastering for that one and he was definitely the right guy for this project. So that’s the main difference I would say. If you have a physical copy of the album, there’s also pictures taken by me in all the years that it takes places. It was basically my whole experience with that. I had an old idea that I wanted to use, so I made each song a part of a sentence, so it’s one long sentence in the end and it all depicts that. Like the first song is „I’m Not a Pessimist, I’m a Realist“. That was actually a phrase I kept saying to myself back then, and it was a time when I didn’t have any anxiety issues or depression whatsoever. Also, that’s why the next song is called „Who Got Diagnosed Years Later“. On purpose I‘ve put a really long monotone part that keeps on rising and rising and rising until it breaks up and that’s depicting the anxiety attack, my first anxiety attack that I had. I remember clearly I was on my way home, I was living in Copenhagen back then. Few stops from the Central Station I had to get off because I felt sweating and I had to get all of my clothes off and in the end I was sitting up on the street with only my underwear on and it was in December.
Oh wow.
So that was my first anxiety attack. I had it a few times in these crowded areas and I had no idea what it was. And I ended up walking home from there just in a T-shirt, walking home like 4 kilometers, because I was just stunned. Totally. I was sweaty and had no idea what was going on. So that was my first experience with it.
Damn.
Yeah. Then the next song „ And Denied All Sense and Reason“, I think everyone who goes through a mental issue or people who don‘t know they have it yet, they’re denying the whole thing at some point. They’re denying it towards others and denying it towards themselves because they don’t think their situation is as bad as other people say it is. So of course I was denying that it could be anything mentally related. And then, the song no. 4 „I Mean, Who Am I To Blackout?“ That was actually kind of the revelation I got after I moved here to Slovakia and I blacked out during my anxiety attack. I don’t remember much, but apparently I was banging my head into our closet. I don’t remember a thing. And then my girlfriend said that I needed to find a psychiatrist and get some medication, which really helped. Hence the next song, „We Should Welcome the Suffering“. It’s really more uplifting song, a bit more happy notes, major notes and so on, because it’s depicting that all the pills are working and then, the last one „Remember Not to Praise the False King“, that is like, yeah, you can take as many antidepressant medication you want, they’re not gonna solve your issues. You’re just gonna put them aside for a while, you know? A lot of people asked me, how does it feel to be on antidepressants and I said, I feel like someone has put a lid on me. And of course I wanted to mention, if you bought the digital copy or the vinyl copy double LP, then you will get an ambient track of 20 minutes that I made myself as well because… I don’t have that many anxiety attacks anymore, but back when I used to have a lot, then I used ambient music and noise canceling headphones and just repeated it, because it would calm me down. So now the listener has been through all these things, anxiety attack and medication and whatnot and all this stuff and now they need to calm down. And back then I was discussing Vendetta, and I said that this is going to be a double LP album and I was like „Yeah, but we don’t have anything for B side for the second disc, so what are we going to do there?“ and he was like „Well, we can leave it plain or whatnot“. And then that day I was sitting down and playing with a lot of effects back at home. And then I made the last one called „The Void“. And that is actually a cover of the third song from Life of a Purist, but bass only and a lot of effects.
Oh, right!
It’s a one take. So yeah, it’s 20 minutes. One take, that’s it.
Yeah, that’s really authentic.
Yeah.
This is really, really powerful stuff that you said right now and you got ahead of me because I was going to ask you about it. This is a powerful message that you are giving and I think speaking from my experience, it helps to know that others are struggling with these things as well.
Definitely. I think that was also kind of the reason why I wanted to do this kind of project. For me, and especially in Denmark, the whole metal community there is always depicted as a happy bunch, you know?
Oh yeah?
Happy bunch. They look awful and frightening and so on, but always a happy bunch. And yeah, they‘re drinking a lot and all that stuff. But the thing is when I’m speaking to some of my friends in the metal community, one to one, then they are not afraid of speaking about their mental issues. But in a group they don’t do it and most of them have some kind of mental issues, you know? It’s such a big taboo you wouldn’t believe it and that was also the reason why I needed to put the records out there, because, yeah, people are simply afraid to talk about it which I think is an issue. I am just speaking freely about it whenever.
So you‘re still medicated?
Yes, but I’m down to just half a pill now recently, because I feel much better, so yeah, still medicated. Actually, you know, now it’s almost like 2 years since it was released and now you can get a bit of exclusive content for your interview *laughter*.
Oh yeah!
When I get an album, I buy a digital first. I don‘t have streaming services, I stopped that as a New Year‘s resolution, I’ve kept it ever since, and I’m buying FLAC files instead, If I really like the music, I buy it on vinyl. And I like to sit and listen to the record and read through the lyrics, check the artwork and all the details, all that stuff. Really get into the mind of the artist who produced this product. But it’s almost been 2 years since the release of Slow Death and no one has asked me why the last song is called „Remember Not To Praise the False King?“ Why is it not the false God or false person? And if you take the lyrics, I’m singing „All hail Pacil Rex!“
Yeah, yeah!
I don’t know if you had that in your questions *laughter*.
Yeah! I’ve got it here: „Who or what is Pacil Rex? Is it the Paxil medication, since you write „tamed by a pill“ there in the lyrics.“
Yeah, yeah, you’re kind of correct. It’s an anagram for Cipralex, which is the medication I am on.
Oh, it’s an anagram! Alright! Because I googled and there’s Paxil actually (an antidepressant, with active ingredient paroxetine, ed.), which is kind of similar and I understood this reference and yeah, you beat me to it! *laugher* I actually could have had this win.
*laugher* Haha, I will give it to you anyway.
Thank you!
*continuous laughter*
Yeah. So it’s like that and I wanted to make an anagram off it and then it got into the lyrics. Rex, it‘s like royalty, King whatnot. So that’s the reason why it’s called „Remember Not To Praise the False King“ because it’s the false solution.
To be continued…
